Confessions of a "late bloomer"

I am a connector, but just for awhile I want to be a star, a true star on the stage. I want to strut my stuff and be that flamboyant, unique, silly and random part of me that I often feel I have to put up in a bun and hold back. I sometimes wonder if success for me will ever come about as a direct manifestation of my own innate gifts and abilities. I have an uncanny "gift" for being an agent of connection between people, to help bring people together who need it. In my moments of being social, suddenly it seems like I am a magnet of the universe who helps facilitate needs fulfillment and meaningful connection. I also have a knack for being a catalyst to get people to do things they should do, and to help instill confidence in others. I am also a silent healer. I sit in space and broadcast galactic healing frequencies. I sometimes doubt my ability and the gift but I know the feelings and the magic is to real to deny it. Still it is a background and silent kind of gift. This is all well and good but I know in me is a part that needs real and full expression in the world. I will do my best to allow that and not get in the way of it. I guess the best way of saying it is that I am a background director and I love it, but I would love to be one of the shining stars as well. People say "Just do it, put yourself out there" or "allow it and it will happen naturally." I find it hard to have patience in that or in myself. It is one of my most challenging challenges in life to find the true motivation to get up and exert my passion and energy into such pursuits. As Prufrock said "Do I dare?" If I do "Dare" than where and how do I begin? It all seems so easy but I come from a life of holding back so "beginning" is a big thing for me, and I can get demotivated so easy So to "begin" at this stage of my life incorporates all sorts of elements of weird and odd feelings. I never found myself in my teens or my 20s, and it has only been in my 30s that I have had any true inkling of me and who I am. I am 36 now. I know I am not "old" but oldness is a very relevant thing. I look back and see if I had come out 15 or more years ago now, where would I be, and who would I be? What color and joy and progress would my life have to show for it? This is the untangling of the knots we can so often get ourselves tangled into. I appreciate the people who can untangle themselves as early as possible. There is a freedom and a joy in it. When I see it in others, I like to acknowledge it. I don't do it to make a direct comparison, but when I see youths 10 or more years younger than me making great strides it truly makes me reflect deeply and intently on my own journey, who I am and where I came from and where I am not go, and how.